Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Time
I wish God would take me home. If heaven is so completely amazing, why are we here? -To show God's love.
A Friend
Let me start out by saying Sam is a long time best friend. I lived with her and another best friend, Rita, that we both grew up with. We all moved to college at different times but we ended up at the same college which is three hours from home, Peta. (a made up city) Our families all live in Peta.
She has really made me so mad this time. I don't ever get mad at people but this time I really am. For two years she as turned me down for homework. I will ask to go on a ten minute walk or hang out, but she can't because of homework. Now, this got frustrating because it was every single time, every single week. A month ago I talked to her about it and she said that "yes, homework is a priority over our friendship." Which is life and I do understand, it kinda stink, but it is life. She doesn't have any grounds to be so furious with me because we couldn't hang out though. We have been the best of friends for about 6 years, and I have known her a lot longer. She has a very servant heart, and I do love that about her. She started to date this guy, Tim, who is 14 years old than her. She was 20, now 21, he is 35. I never put her down because of it and I even encouraged it. They both worked together at a handicap place. Well they got very intimate by their second date. I too had my first boyfriend and we are very close. I have a very good relationship with him, we are going to get married. I knew him 6 months before we started dating and we had been dating for 5 months before she started dating Tim. We included her in everything that first semester when John and I started dating. It was like pulling teeth every time though, because she had homework or had to study and didn't want to go out, but John, my boyfriend, wouldn't let her off. We took her to our Valentines dinner, to movies, to work out, and everything else. We would have date nights in the living room and we told her she could chill with us. We hung out about once every other week when we did big stuff and then we would hang out almost every day just at the apartment. Second semester hit and she got too busy with homework and a few hours a week job. She didn't want to hang out no matter what we said. Then when she started dating Tim, she starting doing things with him, and we saw her even less. Now, because Tim has social anxiety, he didn't want to meet us. Whenever I brought it up she said "ok" but then we never did. She broke up with him two days later. She told John and I they were going to be friends until they could figure out where it was going, but they were still going to hold hands, go on dates, and kiss on the forehead. She told me about how physical they were and I told her my thoughts. I said that she needs to slow it down and if she wants to be friends, she HAS to play the friend part because she doesn't know him that well yet. She replied "yeah I know," but through the conversation I knew nothing would change because just kept saying her relationship was no different from mine. The conversation ended peacefully. Then she spent the night over at his house that night, so I assume they got back together. They continued to break up and get back together for three months. Every time I would try to see if we can all get together they would either, break up, or she would say his social anxiety is too bad. One time she that we couldn't come home, because Tim was there. Then a second time she asked us if we just could stay away from the apartment. I asked if we could go into our rooms and just stay there. She said no. Their relationship continued and she would consistently stay the night there but insist that all she did was study while she was there and he would be in the other room doing things. Which, I told her, I don't care if she stays there I was just wondering where she was. I really didn't care but I am not not so naive to think they never did anything especially because of how physical they were anyways.
Then she texted John a few weeks ago and started to fight with him about Tim. John didn't like how they only take walks and hang out at his house. He said didn't feel right that he was so secretive and that he thought it was weird he was living in his mom's basement. He also didn't like that Tim wouldn't ever be in public with her, which hey, I was on the same page as him. She also started to fight about how we never hang out as a group anymore. Well he said she was cheapening herself for a guy, and obviously, she blew up. Then she immediately started texting me and was mad we never hang out and that was saying that Tim was a really good guy. With my reply, I knew she was mad because John told me she was just looking for a fight and so, carefully not to saying anything rude, I told her that I have never said anything against Tim and as for the hanging out, she was busy with homework and Tim, which is great, but John and I just started to do our own thing. She said that it wasn't her fault that we haven't met him and that it was because we were never at the apartment anymore. Then she started telling me how she didn't want to hang out with us anyways and she began to hurt my feeling really bad, so I stopped texting her. Also our parents are next door neighbors and so Sam had been telling her mom how I don't care about her, which got to my parents. So when I tried to talk to them everything was messed up and they had only heard her side of the story. Just found out she told my grandma too.
This happened a month ago. It was resolved by saying we are very busy with work but if we can hang out we will. Then when she "broke up" with Tim, we hung out at Sonic, which was weird because I was trying to figure it out with her and she said "Well if you guys want to hang out with me...." which, at that point I realized that some of our strife comes from both of us thinking we are doing each other a favor. I think that since she doesn't have any friends or a boyfriend or homework (since it is summer), she needs friends and since I am a friend I will hang out with her. She thinks she is doing us a favor to hang out since we like her.
Well later on in the month she wrote John and asked if we could all hang out on the weekend. I wrote on his phone (since I lost mine), "Hannah has a that 15 hour night shift and then an afternoon shift right after. A friend is coming into town too and is staying with her. Sorry." And Sam got really mad and said "If you don't want to hang out then. fine." Well i told her I was the one that wrote it and she was fine.
She got back together with him and then she broke up with him for the fourth time and she said that this time she is really done (a week ago). Then, a few days ago, Sam got fired from her job and she is moving back home for the summer to earn money. I was in Peta when it happened and I was with her dad and my dad. (whom don't like Tim either; as a side note). So I got on Facebook, again, since i have no phone,and I wrote her saying that I am really sorry to hear about it but I am there if she needs I am there and I love her. She wrote back and we had three nice messages then she wrote "oh btw... Tim's mom's house burnt down (He was still living there but I guess he was in the process of moving out) and I know you don't like him ... or even the thought of him but could you pray for him, that would be awesome thanks." I replied "Tim isn't some creature from the black lagoon and that of course we would pray for him. I just don't like how everything was so secretive between you guys and I never got to meet the guy who dated him best friend." Then I continued about how to get ahold of my grandma and that I might not be able to make Jessica's bridal shower because I would only have 6 hours to be in the Peta because I work a huge night shift before then I would have to drive 3 hours very tired and I have a shift after the shower. She wrote back and was rude.
Then she wrote John today and brought up Danny again. She is broken up with him, why is she still fighting about it?! The last time they talked about him was May 22nd! John apologized today about the other month and said he was very sorry about the way he acted and that she is welcome to call him anytime to hang out or to talk. Her reply was "ok thanks".
I have been working like a mad man. I worked 65 hours in 3 days last last week and I cannot catch up. I don't even have enough money to buy food. I have one meal a day which is usually popcorn and otter pops and when I get really hungry I spend money for a little bit of food. I am very fortunate to even have that much and if I ever get really desperate I will talk to my family. I am trying to save up for a wedding but I can't even keep my head above water and the only bill I have is 150 dollars for rent. So taking off time for the shower is not in the cards. The point is, I am tired and hungry and everyone continues to tell me that I need to be the bigger person and put more effort into fixing the relationship. I know they are right, but I don't even know where to begin.
Sam is my best friend and homework is a priority over me and I was never allowed to see her boyfriend. In in the truth she put homework over me and I have hung out with John more than her. I just feel that she cannot be mad at me for not hanging out. She is the only person on the planet who has delebratley hurt my feelings several times and if I talk to her about it she says "Sorry, but you really made me mad" or "he really made me mad and that's why I took it out on you." I am very stressed and I usually choose to drop things, on the inside I just want her to grow up and realize that she is not in the right. By no stretch of the imagination do I think that this is a crisis to end all crisis'. Nor am I under an illusions that Sam is not under any stress. School is very important to her and I respect that, but not over our friendship. Both Jess and I started dating around the same time, so I get that she felt left out and was lonely, but we tired to include her. She also worked as a small child handicap where she was a Nanny that ran kids around and played with them for a few hours. We have also been dealing with Rita's bulimia all year. One weekend she had overdosed on several different things and she had slept for 48 hours solid until we called her mom, and we all took her to the hospital. She also has a lot of stress... it has been a stressful year for all of us.
I just don't know what to do. I don't feel like I can apologize to Sam about anything. She thinks that everything is fine between us because she got her opinions out and I decided not to argue with her. BUT it is just going to keep happening and in all truthfulness if I drop it this time, the next time it happens I will just have to be done. I will always be her friend and help her if she is need but other than that, there won't be much. I know that is not loving and I won't really do that, I just want this craziness to stop.
I truly do have a great life and I need to repair a couple relationships. God says turn the other cheek. I have been beaten down by her so much this last year and I have forgiveness for her, but I don't want to give it because she isn't sorry. I need to be humble. I need to be the bigger person. I need to ask God for strength. Even if I apologize to her, I don't know what I would be apologizing for and asking God for strength... I guess my heart isn't in the right place.
If anyone has an opinion, let me hear it, even if I don't want to. Prayers are great and verses from The Bible are great too!!
She has really made me so mad this time. I don't ever get mad at people but this time I really am. For two years she as turned me down for homework. I will ask to go on a ten minute walk or hang out, but she can't because of homework. Now, this got frustrating because it was every single time, every single week. A month ago I talked to her about it and she said that "yes, homework is a priority over our friendship." Which is life and I do understand, it kinda stink, but it is life. She doesn't have any grounds to be so furious with me because we couldn't hang out though. We have been the best of friends for about 6 years, and I have known her a lot longer. She has a very servant heart, and I do love that about her. She started to date this guy, Tim, who is 14 years old than her. She was 20, now 21, he is 35. I never put her down because of it and I even encouraged it. They both worked together at a handicap place. Well they got very intimate by their second date. I too had my first boyfriend and we are very close. I have a very good relationship with him, we are going to get married. I knew him 6 months before we started dating and we had been dating for 5 months before she started dating Tim. We included her in everything that first semester when John and I started dating. It was like pulling teeth every time though, because she had homework or had to study and didn't want to go out, but John, my boyfriend, wouldn't let her off. We took her to our Valentines dinner, to movies, to work out, and everything else. We would have date nights in the living room and we told her she could chill with us. We hung out about once every other week when we did big stuff and then we would hang out almost every day just at the apartment. Second semester hit and she got too busy with homework and a few hours a week job. She didn't want to hang out no matter what we said. Then when she started dating Tim, she starting doing things with him, and we saw her even less. Now, because Tim has social anxiety, he didn't want to meet us. Whenever I brought it up she said "ok" but then we never did. She broke up with him two days later. She told John and I they were going to be friends until they could figure out where it was going, but they were still going to hold hands, go on dates, and kiss on the forehead. She told me about how physical they were and I told her my thoughts. I said that she needs to slow it down and if she wants to be friends, she HAS to play the friend part because she doesn't know him that well yet. She replied "yeah I know," but through the conversation I knew nothing would change because just kept saying her relationship was no different from mine. The conversation ended peacefully. Then she spent the night over at his house that night, so I assume they got back together. They continued to break up and get back together for three months. Every time I would try to see if we can all get together they would either, break up, or she would say his social anxiety is too bad. One time she that we couldn't come home, because Tim was there. Then a second time she asked us if we just could stay away from the apartment. I asked if we could go into our rooms and just stay there. She said no. Their relationship continued and she would consistently stay the night there but insist that all she did was study while she was there and he would be in the other room doing things. Which, I told her, I don't care if she stays there I was just wondering where she was. I really didn't care but I am not not so naive to think they never did anything especially because of how physical they were anyways.
Then she texted John a few weeks ago and started to fight with him about Tim. John didn't like how they only take walks and hang out at his house. He said didn't feel right that he was so secretive and that he thought it was weird he was living in his mom's basement. He also didn't like that Tim wouldn't ever be in public with her, which hey, I was on the same page as him. She also started to fight about how we never hang out as a group anymore. Well he said she was cheapening herself for a guy, and obviously, she blew up. Then she immediately started texting me and was mad we never hang out and that was saying that Tim was a really good guy. With my reply, I knew she was mad because John told me she was just looking for a fight and so, carefully not to saying anything rude, I told her that I have never said anything against Tim and as for the hanging out, she was busy with homework and Tim, which is great, but John and I just started to do our own thing. She said that it wasn't her fault that we haven't met him and that it was because we were never at the apartment anymore. Then she started telling me how she didn't want to hang out with us anyways and she began to hurt my feeling really bad, so I stopped texting her. Also our parents are next door neighbors and so Sam had been telling her mom how I don't care about her, which got to my parents. So when I tried to talk to them everything was messed up and they had only heard her side of the story. Just found out she told my grandma too.
This happened a month ago. It was resolved by saying we are very busy with work but if we can hang out we will. Then when she "broke up" with Tim, we hung out at Sonic, which was weird because I was trying to figure it out with her and she said "Well if you guys want to hang out with me...." which, at that point I realized that some of our strife comes from both of us thinking we are doing each other a favor. I think that since she doesn't have any friends or a boyfriend or homework (since it is summer), she needs friends and since I am a friend I will hang out with her. She thinks she is doing us a favor to hang out since we like her.
Well later on in the month she wrote John and asked if we could all hang out on the weekend. I wrote on his phone (since I lost mine), "Hannah has a that 15 hour night shift and then an afternoon shift right after. A friend is coming into town too and is staying with her. Sorry." And Sam got really mad and said "If you don't want to hang out then. fine." Well i told her I was the one that wrote it and she was fine.
She got back together with him and then she broke up with him for the fourth time and she said that this time she is really done (a week ago). Then, a few days ago, Sam got fired from her job and she is moving back home for the summer to earn money. I was in Peta when it happened and I was with her dad and my dad. (whom don't like Tim either; as a side note). So I got on Facebook, again, since i have no phone,and I wrote her saying that I am really sorry to hear about it but I am there if she needs I am there and I love her. She wrote back and we had three nice messages then she wrote "oh btw... Tim's mom's house burnt down (He was still living there but I guess he was in the process of moving out) and I know you don't like him ... or even the thought of him but could you pray for him, that would be awesome thanks." I replied "Tim isn't some creature from the black lagoon and that of course we would pray for him. I just don't like how everything was so secretive between you guys and I never got to meet the guy who dated him best friend." Then I continued about how to get ahold of my grandma and that I might not be able to make Jessica's bridal shower because I would only have 6 hours to be in the Peta because I work a huge night shift before then I would have to drive 3 hours very tired and I have a shift after the shower. She wrote back and was rude.
Then she wrote John today and brought up Danny again. She is broken up with him, why is she still fighting about it?! The last time they talked about him was May 22nd! John apologized today about the other month and said he was very sorry about the way he acted and that she is welcome to call him anytime to hang out or to talk. Her reply was "ok thanks".
I have been working like a mad man. I worked 65 hours in 3 days last last week and I cannot catch up. I don't even have enough money to buy food. I have one meal a day which is usually popcorn and otter pops and when I get really hungry I spend money for a little bit of food. I am very fortunate to even have that much and if I ever get really desperate I will talk to my family. I am trying to save up for a wedding but I can't even keep my head above water and the only bill I have is 150 dollars for rent. So taking off time for the shower is not in the cards. The point is, I am tired and hungry and everyone continues to tell me that I need to be the bigger person and put more effort into fixing the relationship. I know they are right, but I don't even know where to begin.
Sam is my best friend and homework is a priority over me and I was never allowed to see her boyfriend. In in the truth she put homework over me and I have hung out with John more than her. I just feel that she cannot be mad at me for not hanging out. She is the only person on the planet who has delebratley hurt my feelings several times and if I talk to her about it she says "Sorry, but you really made me mad" or "he really made me mad and that's why I took it out on you." I am very stressed and I usually choose to drop things, on the inside I just want her to grow up and realize that she is not in the right. By no stretch of the imagination do I think that this is a crisis to end all crisis'. Nor am I under an illusions that Sam is not under any stress. School is very important to her and I respect that, but not over our friendship. Both Jess and I started dating around the same time, so I get that she felt left out and was lonely, but we tired to include her. She also worked as a small child handicap where she was a Nanny that ran kids around and played with them for a few hours. We have also been dealing with Rita's bulimia all year. One weekend she had overdosed on several different things and she had slept for 48 hours solid until we called her mom, and we all took her to the hospital. She also has a lot of stress... it has been a stressful year for all of us.
I just don't know what to do. I don't feel like I can apologize to Sam about anything. She thinks that everything is fine between us because she got her opinions out and I decided not to argue with her. BUT it is just going to keep happening and in all truthfulness if I drop it this time, the next time it happens I will just have to be done. I will always be her friend and help her if she is need but other than that, there won't be much. I know that is not loving and I won't really do that, I just want this craziness to stop.
I truly do have a great life and I need to repair a couple relationships. God says turn the other cheek. I have been beaten down by her so much this last year and I have forgiveness for her, but I don't want to give it because she isn't sorry. I need to be humble. I need to be the bigger person. I need to ask God for strength. Even if I apologize to her, I don't know what I would be apologizing for and asking God for strength... I guess my heart isn't in the right place.
If anyone has an opinion, let me hear it, even if I don't want to. Prayers are great and verses from The Bible are great too!!
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